Sponge bath it is.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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