In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
