I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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