I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
