five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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