Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
