So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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