she looked like the before picture.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
