i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
