I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
