I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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