Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
