Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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