On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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