After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
