in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
