if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i came on her dog
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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