Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
