She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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