Cold hands, warm shart.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
