i think my tv is drunk
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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