This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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