if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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