last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
