We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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