Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
