She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
