his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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