"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
