Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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