mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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