i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
