Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
