I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
