I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
