So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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