nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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