That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
