i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Your cock deserves a montage
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
