I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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