Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
