Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
