there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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