Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
