Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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