it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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