The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
