dude i'm inner monologue high
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize