I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
