Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize