chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
