dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
