They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
