i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
sick fucks of a feather flock together
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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