And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
