just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
