just survived the first fart of the relationship.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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