Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
