i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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