After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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