New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
