I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
