ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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