moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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