alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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