hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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