i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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