For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
