So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
