either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All the doctor said was why
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize