hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
