You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
