should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
