took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize