Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
