i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
