Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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